HMA Looking for UK’s First Shark Wrangler

Hide My Ass is in search of the UK’s first shark wrangler.  They have a new pet in the Privax office.  A floating shark named Nigel.  If you’re insterested in the position they have a LinkedIn posting for the job.  I thought about applying but my shark skills just aren’t up to par with the task at hand.  Perhaps Nigel will be used to place servers underwater.  With locations in 68 countries already the HMA team is poised to conquer the seas.

Here’s more details on the job post from LinkedIn

Job description

Shark Wrangler – London

This is a fantastic opportunity to join a market leading, fast growing, and fun online company. With all the benefits and buzz of a digital start up but with the opportunities of a successful and profitable business, Hide My Ass! provides free and paid services for the online privacy, security and anonymity market. Our most popular free service is our browser based web proxy (global audience of 15 million unique visitors per month), and our most popular paid service being our VPN encryption service (over 200,000 active paying subscribers).

Desired Skills and Experience

Due to the expansion of our London office, we have recently acquired a floating shark, called Nigel (see video below).  Although Nigel is very popular with our team, we need to appoint a skilled shark wrangler, with experience of flying large objects around a confined space. The successful candidate will likely have a background in marine based aviation, possibly within a military context, as well as a strong interest in internet privacy and security.  It would be an advantage if you are secretly an ex-Navy Seal, able to take on, single-handedly, a small army of bad guys, although if practising knife throwing in the office, you would have to take care not to alarm our developers – or pop Nigel.

Responsibilities of the role

You will be responsible for all aspects of Nigel’s daily routine, including visiting all employees twice, and ensuring he randomly appears at inopportune moments during meetings and video conferences.  In the event of sudden and unexpected attack, you will need to ensure that you are inadvertently hidden at the critical moment, so that you can single-handedly fight bad and rescue the entire London team (and any visitors from our overseas offices).  In this respect, familiarity with Steven Segal’s role in Under Siege (or frankly, most of the Die Hard movies) would be a distinct advantage.  You will report directly to the Captain, although the rest of the team will not really understand why.

What can we offer you?

This is effectively a dead end job, with no prospects for promotion, as we are unlikely to get another shark.  The role is likely to get rather boring, rather quickly, and you could wait literally years before you get a chance to demonstrate your, ahem, “special” skills.  However, because of the potentially hazardous nature of the role, private health insurance is not included.

On the plus side, you get to work in a super-cool tech company and will be the envy of your friends.  Since nobody actually understands what anyone else in a tech company actually does (we don’t even understand two thirds of our employee’s jobs), you can pretend you’re really important, and in a year or two get a job somewhere else as a “growth hacker” or be CEO of your own shark-based start-up.

To apply for this job, send us your CV and a covering letter which explains convincingly in no more than 100 words why “User Experience” is shortened to “UX” and not “UE” to

Good luck to all you shark wranglers out there.  Don’t let Nigel get the best of you.  He’s a feisty one!